What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
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Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
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I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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