I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Come on in and take your pants off
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