i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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