There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
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That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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