At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Randomize