Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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