don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
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Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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