mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize