Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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