Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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