I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize