he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
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Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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