I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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