when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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