I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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