She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize