and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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