I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
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Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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