then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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