Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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