my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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