The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
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No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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