My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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