It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize