so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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