I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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