I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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