Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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