Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize