His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
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In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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