i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize