No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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