Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize