his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
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If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
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Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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