You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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