Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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