I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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