I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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