God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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