My Higher Power is John Stamos
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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