If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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