4 words: hood of his car
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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