Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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