..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
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I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
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I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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