I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize