my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
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you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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