Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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