Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize