we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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