If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize